Little Johnny said, “Daddy, I want to ask you a question.” After a first day in Sunday school. So Daddy said, “OK.” And little Johnny said, “Oh, the teacher was reading the Bible to us, all about the children of Israel building this temple and the children of Israel crossing the Red Sea. The children of Israel do this, do that. What have all the adults been doing?” It’s true, huh? They do nothing, no? All the children are doing the stuff.
Did you eat well already? (Yes.) Why do you keep looking at the (vegan) cakes? You want some? Yes? (Yes.) Now? (Yes.) Really? (Yes.) OK, take it. There, if you want to eat it now. OK, later, huh? (Later.) After I leave, you can just take it. It’s all yours, actually. Somebody forgot to give it to you. But I just gave you (I know.) some stuff? No? Still never enough?
There was a member of a climbing team, Johnny, who was struck by an avalanche, so he fell into a deep valley. Another team member, Joe, who survived the accident, recovered from the shock and tried to call his unlucky teammate on the walkie-talkie. Who was the guy who fell? (Johnny.) Johnny. “Johnny, are you still OK?” So, on the other end came Johnny’s voice, “Yes, I’m still here, alive.” And Joe said, “Thanks God. How are your arms?” So Johnny said, “My arms are OK.” “So how are your legs?” And Johnny said, “My legs are OK.” So Joe said, “Can you try to climb up by yourself?” Johnny said, “I don’t think so. I have not landed yet.” Still falling. Oh, my God. What a Humpty Dumpty. Humpty Dumpty.
Did you hear about a man from the Income Tax Bureau, who phoned a certain minister and said, “We are checking the tax return of a member of your church, and we noticed that he lists a donation to your church, about $300. Is that correct, sir?” So the minister answered without hesitation, “I haven’t got my records available here, but I promise you one thing: If he has not given, I will make him.” He will give it.
And this is a private joke. I hope it doesn’t offend anybody. It says private here. You want to hear it? (Yes.) OK. And you can tell your friend or your husband in private later. Before and after marriage, they say…
Oh, reading downward, if you are not married, it goes like this: He: “Great, that day has finally come. I just can’t wait.” So she: “Can I go back on my word?” He: “No, don’t even think about it!” She: “Do you love me?” He: “Yes, of course.” She: “Will you be disloyal to me?” He: “No, what makes you think I will?” She: “Will you give me a kiss?” He: “Of course, definitely more than once.” She: “Can I trust you?” Nothing else. That is if you are not married, OK? That is before [you’re] married.
OK. Now, if you’re married, it reads upward. It reads upside down. OK. She: “Can I trust you?” He: “Never.” She: “Will you give me a kiss?” He: “No, what makes you think I will?” She: “Will you be disloyal to me?” He: “Yes, of course.” It’s the same thing; you just read it upward. She: “Do you love me?” He: “No, don’t even think about it.” She: “Can I go back on my word?” He: “Great, that day has finally come. I just can’t wait.” OK, don’t tell your husband if he’s not sweet. OK.
A wife said to her husband, “I married you only because no one else took pity on you.” (Oh.) So the husband said, “You succeeded. Now I have the sympathy of everyone.”
Like a horse(-person).
It says something like, “He’s a man of rare intelligence because he rarely shows any.” “You know, if brains were dynamite, she wouldn’t have enough to blow her nose.” Back and forth. Man and woman, take revenge on each other. He doesn’t want anyone to make a fuss over him, just to treat him as they would any other great man only.
A husband said to his wife, “The TV weather forecast is not correct. Yesterday, it said there would be rain today, but there’s not a drop at all.” So the wife said, “I told you already that this TV set is too old to be trusted. We need a new one.” So cute.
A little boy asked his dad, “Daddy, is a Ferrari a red car with a horse(-person) on it?” Daddy said, “Yes, son.” So the boy said, “Then I saw one this morning.” A red car with a horse(-person) on it. Probably a guy who looked like a horse(-person).
A speeding driver was stopped by a police car. As he was making records, the policeman said to the driver, “I am fining you because you exceeded 60 miles per hour, just now.” The driver replied, “Sir, please write 100 miles for me, will you? Because I’m thinking about selling this car.” Fast car, still able. Have the police record to show it and to prove it.
Some people cause happiness wherever they go. Some cause others, whenever they go.
He had to see the doctor in the morning for a blood test. So he stayed up all night studying for it. Some intelligence, huh?
A man went into a bookshop, and he asked, “Where is the book that says that you can have a happy life in marriage?” So the shop assistant replied, “In the fiction section.” So the man asked again, “Well, how about the art of couple relationships?” The shop assistant replied, “Oh, that’s a martial arts novel. Go to the first shelf on your left.” There’s no existence. Non-existent.
She made him a millionaire, the wife. Before she married him, he was a billionaire. You were thinking something.
When it comes to telling her age, she is shy – about 20 years shy. Sounds like me. You know how old I am? Shh!
There is no doubt, he’s trying. In fact, he is very trying. And very trying means very tiring.
Very strenuous for you. I have a private joke. Oh… Is it good to tell a private joke in the public? Do we have any privacy here? OK. I don’t know really why I crossed it. Let’s see what it is. One day, a literature professor, well-known for his trick to baffle his students, assigned a very unpleasant composition – an essay, which must include two elements: nobility and love. The students thought very hard about their creations, but one student submitted the assignment the next day anyway. So there was only one sentence in his composition. It read like this: “The princess is expecting.”
Seeing this, the professor was very angry. So he asked the student to add a fictional element to it. Quickly, the student added some more words: “The Aquarius princess is expecting.” That’s… What is that? What’s the element that he wanted? Fictional elements, yeah, “The Aquarius princess is expecting.”
So the professor got more fed up, asking him to add a suspense element in his essay. So the student added the following quickly: “The Aquarius princess is expecting. Who did it?” That’s all the elements, no?
And the professor flew into a rage. So, he used his severest trick, asking the student to add a religious element. And he smiled wickedly, thinking the student will lose. So the next day, the student submitted the following composition: “The Aquarius princess is expecting.” Meaning she’s pregnant. “Oh my God, who did it?” A “religious” element.
Do you know how to milk an ant? First, you have to have a very low stool to sit down. It’s just a joke. It’s really… it was a joke.
If a dog(-person) lost his tail, where would he get another one? Do you know? (Family.) In a retail shop. Ha-ha-ha.
Photo Caption: “Nice Feeling, When Covered with Love”
