You have to cultivate love. In the beginning, you just do it because I told you, because it’s the right thing to do. But later on, it becomes your nature. You have to love. You must love. Because without love, you are just an empty shell. Only the brain working like a computer, nothing inside. I’m sometimes disappointed. I really have to deal with a lot of egos and obstructions in my own house, and that is the worst thing that hits you. Because you trust these people; you think they’re just like family. […]
And by the way, I’m not going to let you crawl around anymore, and then everybody else has to carry you and drag you. We have to grow up now. We have to catch up. We have to be more selfless, not always “I, I, my, my, me, me.” And then one person eats up all the energy. No more of that. That’s why this time it’s a little bit strict. I even list somebody I know that can’t come, “These people cannot come; that person cannot come.” From now on, I select. Every time, group meditation, always something. If I tell somebody, even not to throw out yet, say, “Oh, go sit behind here.” Because the energy is like cutting my throat. “Go sit behind or sit on top.” Far a little bit, so it feels not so painful. And criticizing, “Oh, sorry for that person.” “Oh, what a pity.” You don’t know anything about that person inside and outside. Because she doesn’t project her energy toward you. She projects toward me.
And some people come just to make trouble, even the residents. Some of them are a group of gangsters from a former life. They beat me up; they almost killed me alive. They took everything from me and left me to die. Or locked me in to die of hunger, for example. Or threw me in the bathroom, in a bathtub. Drowned me in the bathtub, for example. Do you understand this? (Yes.) Can you see all that? (No.) If you can’t, then don’t say anything. Because the moment you feel sorry for that person, you share some of her (bad) karma. Even though I have cleaned it all up, but still, the consequence of the past life is still hanging, attached to them. That’s why they came back. And even if they came back with sorrow and wanted to make it up, I still suffer like hell. All kinds of things, you don’t even know. You don’t even know. I don’t want to tell you all this, but I just want to warn you: Just let me do my job. That’s it.
Because from now, I select. Before, I’d openly go lecture – everybody was welcome. Of course, I gave everybody a chance. But not 10 years or 20 years still hanging in there. And want to take up the energy of everybody, just to draw attention to one person or two persons. Or just ask because want to be there. No. I don’t mean you guys. I don’t mean that. It’s OK, I stay. I was just joking. I don’t come here just to say, “Ask questions,” and then I leave. It’s not like that. What I mean is, those of you who have been many-years practitioners, including the residents, I have warned them. Therefore, right now I picked out the two groups already. One is the negative group, one is positive. One belongs to positive; one belongs to negative.
But even the positive, many are still very low, low positive. A low level of positive. Not high. Not full; like a low battery. Even though it’s still there, it goes “beep, beep, beep.” And anytime it can “chop off,” like a telephone. When your phone goes “beep, beep,” you know already. Oh, my God, and then suddenly, “Hallo, hallo?” (Nobody’s there.) Black. Black. So, the positive group, even though they have managed to climb up to the border, but they still, now and then, come up and down because the negative power still can scratch them. Like if you’re near, I can catch you. But if you’re far like this, I cannot. If you’re near, then sometimes I could pull you over. And also the negative power tries to always use the person next to me to trouble me. And if that person is not strong enough, not high enough, it’s a trouble. Mostly, [they] are not. This is a very sad thing, but it’s like that.
Like a group of people in a former life had been like thieves or robbers, or even some who wanted to molest me, in former lives, now just all come back. And every day, no matter who I change, it’s similar because they’re a group. They come together. Not all residents are like that. But what I mean is, even then, don’t think that the next person is holier than you, or the other person is so pitiful, why Master scolded them. It’s not like that. No, it’s nothing like the way it looks; nothing like outside. Everything is like a game. Everything’s packaged very well, so you don’t even see it. Some people just go near, and then I want to vomit. Some people just go near, and I have a headache. Some people just go near, and then I have to go to the hospital. Some people just stayed around, and I had to have an operation.
But of course, I cannot just live alone. I do live alone; we live separately. But I still need someone because I’m not completely cut off from the world. I have to come see you sometimes, have to do some job... Even by telephone! Just to telephone one of the disciples or two disciples, I feel empty for two days! Do you ever feel empty like you have nothing inside you at all? (Yes.) You do? (Yes.) Just talking to one person, I felt empty for two days and at my level even! Just recently, last month. Incredible. They can suck you up alive! Whoa! Even sometimes you watch TV, you feel pain, too, huh? (Yes.) Yes. But I still have to do it. Because all the residents are “Buddhas” already. They don’t know where disaster is; they don’t know what to do. Even sometimes I call home and say, “Please, send somebody, send people to go and help.”
Last time, I even called Taiwan (Formosa). There was some disaster in Taiwan (Formosa). I said, “Go, go and check if any need help.” Just like, “You can buy things for them, comfort them.” But not the person has to go, just tell people to go. In Taiwan (Formosa), there’s a lot of people. Just pick up the phone and hundreds of people volunteer and go and help already. And I said, “Give them up to 40,000 (dollars). If need more, give more.” To buy things, because sometimes if the flood comes, they have nothing left. They just run out of the house and the house kaput, and everything‘s washed away: car, money, credit cards, banknotes, everything! They have nothing, just wet clothes or even no clothes. In times of disaster, it’s like that. So, I said, “Send people to go help.” And that person told me… She’s responsible for this. In the post for that. See, that person told me, “Oh, yesterday I watched TV, there’s not much damage.”
I watched TV, too. I saw at least, in the first breaking news, one person died already, and some injured. How can say “not much damage?” So, I said, “It’s not much damage because you are not damaged. If it’s you, even one person or one finger lost, it’s damage to you. It would be a very great pain to you. But because it is not you, you’re sitting there, warm clothes and just have a little computer, watch TV, the fridge is full of food, safe in the house, that’s why you don’t feel too much damage.” She means no need to go. “Yesterday, watched TV, not much damage.” Understand? Resident. I said, “How can you have no love in your heart? It’s my money. And other people go to help – not even you! You don’t even have to go. I just ask you to call people. Because you sit in that post, you’re supposed to do it before I even ask.” But don’t do it. Even tell me no need. Imagine? Your own people. It’s this kind of obstruction that sometimes makes my mission very uneasy.
I thought, “Oh, people, come in to be renunciates, must be high ideal.” It’s not true. Later, I found out it’s last lives, many lives, like a thief, robber, or killers or whatever. Especially to me, not just for other people. So now, they do the same, just sit there eating up my stuff, and don’t even try to help other people. Not even try to help me. I didn’t ask her to come help me. And she did not even have to go to the disaster area, in danger or anything, no! Just pick up the phone and call the contact person. Tell the contact person to send people out. And I allotted money already for them to buy things. So I said to her, “Even if nothing’s damaged, it’s no harm to you to send people there to comfort, to ask if they’re OK.” Because when people are in disaster, it’s not only they need money or anything, maybe not, but they would feel warmer if somebody comes and asks them, is concerned for them. Or just picks up their little garbage for them or just gives them a hug or something. Wouldn’t you feel good if you are in that situation? (Yes.) Anybody comes and hugs you and says, “Oh, we really care about you.” “Oh, we are sorry.” Won’t you feel good? (Yes.)
No – “not much damage.” One person died in the first hour. One person died, it’s a lot for himself already, right? (Yes.) And for his family: for his father, mother or children or wife or husband. A lot of people are involved, and his friends. It’s not nothing. One person is connected with many persons. Who knows if that person is the only breadwinner of the house, and now he’s dead. Suddenly nobody takes care of his family, his wife or something. And I said, “Never mind, just go.” Because there’s sometimes maybe elder people; they live a little far away. And when the flood comes, or disaster, there are no telephones to call for help. You can just go and have a look everywhere. No harm to have a look. I mean, Taiwan (Formosa) is very small. Even if you walk around asking people, how tired can you be? I’m very disappointed.
You have to cultivate love. In the beginning, you just do it because I told you, because it’s the right thing to do. But later on, it becomes your nature. You have to love. You must love. Because without love, you are just an empty shell. Only the brain working like a computer, nothing inside. I’m sometimes disappointed. I really have to deal with a lot of egos and obstructions in my own house, and that is the worst thing that hits you. Because you trust these people; you think they’re just like family. Many years together, many decades together – they should have grown up by now. No. Some not. Even for very little things: don’t listen, don’t cooperate, have no love.
Now because we already have this system established, and I don’t have anyone else, so I just have to continue to use these people. But I’m very sad, very sad. Many times, I cry. I told them, “Listen, people outside, they work very hard. They work under the burning sun. They work in the freezing climate when their hands can’t move, like in Canada or Alaska. When it’s freezing, they still need to go out to repair the electricity. Sometimes, they climb up the very dangerous high voltage or work on the road, repairing the roads and bridges under the scorching sun – work under any conditions.” Of course, they earn money with it, but we cannot ever thank them enough.
