A recruiting ad for a French learning class says the following, “If you find you do not like this course and want to quit after the first class, you can request to refund your tuition, but you must say this in French.” Then you have to stay. Right? (Yes.) You understand? (Yes.)
A teacher said to the students, “Why did you do so poorly on the exam?” Kitty, “The degrees of my glasses are not good enough.” Jimmy, “My neck is sprained.” And Lily, “The classmate before me is too tall.” And Tony, “The classmate next to me used a pencil, so I could not see it clearly.” All kinds of excuses.
One time I was working at a small shop. There were very few customers, even in its busiest time. One day it was three o’clock and there wasn’t a customer at all so far, so the manager asked a clerk to close the front door. The clerk came back after a while and said nervously, “I’m sorry, sir, the door is locked. I forgot to open it this morning.” (Oh.) No wonder no customers. Oh, what a clerk, huh?
The salesman said, “Hallo, this friend with little hair, you are lucky to meet me. Try this hair restorer.” So the customer with very little hair said, “Is it effective?” The salesman said, “My hair was less than yours. Look how much hair I have got now. Believe it or not, when I combed my hair this morning carelessly, I dropped hair restorer on the comb and it became a brush.”
Mary went into a law office. “I want to know if I have the basic conditions for divorce.” The lawyer said, “Are you married?” “Married? Of course I am.” The lawyer said, “You have the basic conditions.” That’s the only requirement.
The teacher said, “I hope I didn’t see you looking at someone else’s paper.” So, Billy said, “I hope so too, teacher.”
A husband said to the wife, “Why don’t women pay more attention to cultivation of manner, reading more to feel inner beauty, but always doing skin care at the beauty salon instead, spending time on the superficial external beauty?” So, the wife said, “That’s because most men are superficial, but few of them are blind.” Don’t understand. Ha, ha.
A student said to the teacher, “I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test.” The teacher said, “Neither do I, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.”
The husband was watching the World Cup on TV, staring at the screen and doing nothing for hours every day. Well, typical, no? I heard. So the wife could not stand it any longer, went back to her parents’ out of anger. On her arrival, she saw her father sitting alone in front of a TV set, watching the World Cup also, and asked, “Where is Mom?” Father said without turning, “She’s gone to your grandma’s.”
A student wrote the following on his pre-Christmas examination paper, “Only God knows the answer to this question. Merry Christmas!” The professor returned the paper with the following notation, “God gets an ‘A’ and you get an ‘F.’ Happy New Year!”
A veterinarian was about to go out for business. Before leaving, he asked his assistant to remember to feed the medicine to an injured horse(-person), “OK, you insert an end of a tube into the horse(-person)’s mouth, put a pill into the tube and then blow into the tube. That’s OK.” So, then he left. But when he came back, he found the assistant was sick and lying on the ground. The vet asked, “What happened?” The assistant said, “Well, unexpectedly, that horse(-person) blew faster than I did.”
Hot, hey? You guys alright? (Yes.) Maybe I’ll feel better. Who knows. OK.
A college boy said to his mother, “I decided that I want to be a political science major, and I want to clean up the mess in the world.” Wow. The mother said, “That’s very nice. You can go upstairs right now and start cleaning your room.”
A touching poem: “I wrote your name on the sky, but it was blown away by the wind. I wrote your name on the beach, but it was swept off by the waves. Later, I wrote your name in every corner of the city. As a result, I was taken away by the police.”
On the street, John and his mother saw a poor woman with a darkened and skinny child asking for help. “Mercy, please, for this poor child. He doesn’t have a dad.” So, Johnny’s mom gave the child a coin, and Johnny was a little puzzled and asked mother, “Mom, I think she needs a dad, not money.” Capisce?
When the father called home, the six-year-old son answered and said, “Don’t talk too loud, Dad. The babysitter is asleep.” She’s supposed to watch, no?
Dr. Smith felt that he was unlucky because none of his patients were ever cured. So, his wife also felt very strange. Then she asked him one day, “Darling, why were none of your patients ever cured? People say your skills are inferior.” So, Dr. Smith said, “No, no, no, it’s not like that. I graduated from the medical college with distinction. My skills are superior, but the patients are inferior. That’s the problem.” So, the wife said, “Really? How can your patients be inferior?” So, the doctor said, “I treat them according to the medical books, but they don’t have the illness according to the medical books.” Strange patients.
A father asked the son, “Why don’t you get a job?” So, sonny said, “Why? Why should I get a job?” Stretch it [your legs] out, baby. Father said, “So you can put some money in a bank account and earn some interest.” The son said, “But why?” Father said, “So that when you are old, you can use the money in your bank and never have to work again.” The son said, “But I’m not working now.” Already not working. Why worry?
The boss said to Johnny, the baseball star, “I would like to give you a big sum of money if you donate some blood to other players, so that they can become as strong and persistent as you are.” So, Johnny smiled, “In this way, boss, I buy some of your blood with a certain sum to make all of us wealthy, OK?” Understand? Blood doesn’t make you wealthy or skillful, right?
Can you stretch it out? Stretch out here. Can you put this in the front? Here, in the front there. There, so he can stretch his legs out here. You stretch it out there. OK, here, this way. A little bit on the side, so you don’t bump into her and get blamed.
A girl said, “The man I marry must stand out in company, must be musical, must tell jokes, like to dance and stay at home all night, every night.” So, the mother said, “You don’t want a husband, you want a television set.”
“My children are at the perfect age: too old to cry at night and too young to borrow my car.”
In order to sell houses, a salesman repeatedly praised this apartment building and its community: “What a fine place it is, with bright sunshine, fresh air, beautiful flowers and green grassland. The residents here never know what illness and death are.” At this moment, a group of people to attend a funeral were coming from the distance, wailing very loudly. So, the salesman immediately said, “Look, this poor man is a doctor in this community. He died of hunger.” Because he just said, “Nobody knows death.”
Photo Caption: “Each One Has a Specified Place in the Universe”
