There was a teacher who was brought into custody because she drove too fast. Exceeded the limit, exceeded 90 kilometers per hour. It was not her turn yet, but she was trying to get ahead and she said to the judge, “Oh, please, please, you must understand, I am a teacher. I have to go back quickly to my class right now because I’m already late.” And the judge said, “Ha, beautiful! At last, I caught a teacher. Now you sit in that corner and write out 5,000 times: ‘I’ll never exceed the limit again.’”
There was an inspector for restaurants, who came to a newly opened restaurant and ate his meal. And afterwards, the restaurant owner asked him what does he feel. Is he satisfied with his restaurant? Because sometimes the inspector comes and takes care of the restaurant; see if it’s clean, it’s hygienic or the food is OK, everything is fresh and good for the customers. So the inspector had eaten his food and then the owner asked him what does he think. So the inspector said, “Well, I haven’t looked into the kitchen yet but I think your restaurant is the cleanest one that I have seen so far.” So the owner said, “If you haven’t been in the kitchen, how do you know?” He said, “Well, the food tastes like soap powder.”
There was a person who went and bought a (vegan) pizza. So the girl asked, “Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces for you, sir?” So the man said, “Well, I think six pieces are better because I cannot eat eight pieces. It’s too much for me!” You know, huh? (Yes.)
And there was a boy who went into a coffee shop and ordered a coffee. So the waitress brought him his coffee and put it there. She forgot to give him a spoon. So the boy was a little bit shy because the waitress was beautiful. And he was smiling at her and saying, “Well, I think this coffee is too hot for my finger to stir, isn’t it?” So the girl was also smiling and then ran quickly into the kitchen and came back with another cup of coffee and put it there. And she said, “This cup of coffee won’t be too hot.” Well, somebody brought this book for me and I tickle you with it.
There was one boy who took a girl out for a movie. And then afterward, he took her for coffee. And afterward, he took her dancing, all in one day. And then after dancing finished, he proposed marriage. So the girl was feeling a little strange. She said, “Well, but we hardly know each other. I don’t even know you yet.” The boy said, “Well, don’t worry. I know you very well.” So the girl said, “How?” And the boy said, “Well, your father put all his money in my bank and I was the cashier.” He knows how much she has. You got it? (Yes.) Because your mind is not on money so you don’t understand. There’s another one to make you understand quicker.
There was a boy who wanted to marry a girl, so he came and asked her father for her hand. So the father was worried about the girl’s future. So he asked him, “Are you sure you want to marry right now? Aren’t you a little bit too young?” The boy said, “Oh, sure, sir, sure. I’m not that young. I look young. But I’m not that young.” And the father said, “You think you can shoulder a family right now?” So the boy said, “Oh, yes, I have a good job. I earn a good income and I have a house and I have no problem. But by the way, how many are your family members?” You don’t understand. The boy asked the father, “But how many are in your family?” Don’t understand? The father meant can he take care of his own, wife and children. But the boy misunderstood, thinking that he has to take care of the whole of her family, including grandpa, grandma, father, mother. He’s a little bit naive.
There was a person, worked for an advertising agency. So he came into a newspaper publisher office and asked the publisher if he needed an advertising board. Sometimes they write on the boards. And so, the publisher said, “No, we don’t need any. I can’t think of anything right now.” So the advertising company boy said, “Do you need any writers?” And so the publisher said, “No. At the moment, no.” And then, “Do you need any advertising people?” “No, we don’t need right now.” “Do you need any printing personnel?” And the publisher said, “No. I told you we don’t need anybody already. I told you we don’t need anything or anybody. We have enough personnel here in all kinds of departments. Alright? Is that clear to you?” So the advertising agency said, “Well, in that case, you need one outside saying, ‘We don’t need any personnel right now.’”
There was a woman who went to a drug store to buy toothpaste. You know, toothpaste? (Yes.) So she asked the saleswoman for a small-sized toothpaste. So the saleswoman said, “I’m sorry, we don’t make small sizes here. We only have large, medium-large, extra-large.” Understand? (Yes.) No, you do. OK, good.
A wife and a husband went to see a doctor. And the doctor put the thermometer into her mouth. And told her to sit there for five minutes. Afterward, the husband took the doctor aside and asked him, “Wow, that’s wonderful. Tell me how you do it.” She talks a lot all the time. The husband wanted to learn the trick. He wanted to buy the thermometer.
And there was another doctor who told his patient, a lady patient, to sit there and open her mouth like this and don’t move while he was writing his prescription. So the woman just sat there. And the doctor was writing his prescription. Afterward, he handed the prescription to the woman and told her to close her mouth and then go out and buy the medicine. And the secretary of the doctor was very amazed saying, “Well, if just to write the prescription, why do you have to ask her to open her mouth and sit there like that?” The doctor said, “Otherwise, she will never shut up. I can never write anything.”
It’s on the contrary here. Here you want me to talk all the time even 24 hours is alright with you. Sometimes, the problem is to find the right partner only. (Yes.) And some people like the person who talks all day like that. So you have to take care of what you want, what kind of woman you want, then you will never have problems.
There was a person who went into a shop and bought a packet of cigarettes. Sometimes a shop does sell a lot of things, and then they sell cigarettes also. So then immediately he opened the packet of cigarettes and smoked right there. So the sales person said, “Please, no smoking here. You see, no smoking inside. Please smoke outside.” And the person said, “What? You hypocrite! You sell cigarettes here, and then you mean, at the same time, forbid people to smoke?” And the salesman smiled and said, “Yes, sir, we also sell bathing towels here.” But that doesn’t mean he can bathe right there. It’s cute. (Yes.)
Two ladies talked at the supermarket. The first lady said, “I heard that you are quitting smoking right now. It’s already two weeks. Right?” So the second lady said, “Yes, yes, yes.” And the first lady asked, “Wow, talking about quitting smoking; three years ago, I also started quitting smoking and it gave me hell.” Oh! I’m sorry, can we say that? Well it’s in here. “It gave me terrible trouble and my nerves were nearly breaking down. How does it feel to you right now, quitting smoking?” So the second lady said, “Well, it doesn’t give me any nerve-breaking problems because I would break the nerves of my husband and my children to calm my own.” Every day she gives trouble to the children and the husband to calm her nerves. I’m sorry, I talked too fast.
There was a lady who went to the doctor and wanted an operation. And the doctor said, “But what kind of sickness do you have?” She said, “Nothing.” So the doctor said, “Then how can I give you any operation?” She said, “Well, any kind will do.” And the doctor said, “Are you crazy? I can only give you an operation if you’re sick, but here you’re very healthy. Why do you want an operation?” And the lady said, “Well, I belong to a club, you see, and all the women there talk about [their] operation experiences and I ain’t got none, so... So I don’t want to be left behind.”
Photo Caption: “We R Trying 2 Protect You Little Ones”
