Master Tells Jokes | Supreme Master Television

Live in Joy, Part 7 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

31:58

Live in Joy, Part 7 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

Should we finish it? (Yes.) Yeah? Can you still laugh? (Yes.) Or you’re too tired to laugh? (No.) No? OK. Does somebody need to go to the airport? No? (I think not.) Are you still OK? If you have to go, you go.A young man had been sitting in the drawing room [for] a long time, and it was getting late. Suddenly, the door opened and her (his girlfriend’s) father entered. He coughed a little bit, cle

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Master Tells Jokes

Live in Joy, Part 6 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

33:12

Live in Joy, Part 6 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

A guy said, “I haven’t slept for days.” And the second guy said: “How come?” The first guy said, “I only sleep at night.” Ha-ha-ha. Some joke. I don’t see any other jokes. Probably I went only up to there. So the rest I have to check out. OK? It cannot be that all these are not good jokes. Good, good. Next time, next time. We put it here. OK. So we know we’ve been there. Done that. Alright. We’ll

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Master Tells Jokes

Live in Joy, Part 5 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

31:53

Live in Joy, Part 5 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

A woman went into a shoe shop and said, “I would like a pair of alligator shoes.” So, the male salesman said, “Yes, ma’am. What size is your alligator?” You are so funny. I say, it’s OK, but I didn’t think it was that funny. And you’re laughing yourselves silly. I like that. Good audience, good audience.Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping together. You know Sherlock Holmes? He’s a detectiv

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Master Tells Jokes

Live in Joy, Part 4 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

30:38

Live in Joy, Part 4 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

A surgeon advised a musician who played the violin that he would have to undergo an operation. The patient said, “But, Doc, I have concerts booked already. If you operate, can I be assured that I will be able to play the violin in two weeks’ time?” So the doctor said, “No problem, no problem. The last patient on whom I performed this operation was playing a harp within 24 hours.” No, I guess he ju

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Master Tells Jokes

Live in Joy, Part 3 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

32:47

Live in Joy, Part 3 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

There was a vampire bat(-person) –the bat(-person) who takes blood, I guess – came flapping from the night, and he was all covered in fresh blood, and he landed himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. And soon, all the other bat(-people) smelled the blood and came and were hassling him about where he got it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they would not leave hi

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Master Tells Jokes

Live in Joy, Part 2 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

31:45

Live in Joy, Part 2 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

Come on, this is just a house. Wow, I feel better. It’s better, huh? (Yes.) Now, we can laugh. I love those things too but just to make the SM Celestial Clothes happy, and the Supreme Master TV, and the photo department happy. Now. OK, you got it? The next one is… I think I’ve told this story already. I’m not sure. In case you heard it already, you just laugh a little bit. Or boo in the middle, so

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Master Tells Jokes

Live in Joy, Part 1 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

41:05

Live in Joy, Part 1 of 7, Dec. 28, 2007, Paris, France

New people? (Yes.) A lot of… English(-speaking)? (Yes.) OK. All the Westerners come here. All the English-speaking Westerners, the black, the white, the yellow, the red, the stripes. You come here. You’re good? You guys are going or coming? (Going.) Now? (9:00 to 9:30.) 9:30. Wow, you have two hours and a half. (Yes.) Ah, good, good enough, good enough, good enough. Yeah, yeah. Come in, come in, c

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Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 8 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

34:49

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 8 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

The school has just released the grades of the final exams. Mom asked, “Liza, I heard Rose next door got 99 points in math. What about you?” So, Liza said proudly, “I got one more point than her.” Mom was happy, “You got 100 points, girl?” Liza said, “No, I got 9.9.” Only 99 points, and this one, 9.9.A distinctive businessman, Jack, told his son one day, “I have selected a girl whom you are to mar

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Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 7 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

33:49

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 7 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

One day, two schoolgirls went to the library to review lessons. Kate was helping Lily with the revision. “What’s the meaning of this word?” So, Lily scratched her head and said, “I forgot. Beats me (idiom for ‘I don’t know’).” So, Kate beat Lily and then told her the meaning of the word. A few days later, they went to the library together again. Kate asked Lily again the meaning of that word. Lily

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Master Tells Jokes

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 6 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

29:50

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 6 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

Sonny said to Dad, “Dad, what is creeping inflation?” His father said, “Creeping inflation is when your mother starts out asking for new shoes and ends up with a complete new outfit.” Are there such families? They always complain about women’s spending. I don’t know, is it true? (Yes.) (It’s true.) (Sometimes.)A plane is about to take off. An airline hostess announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, pleas

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Master Tells Jokes

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 5 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

32:39

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 5 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

A recruiting ad for a French learning class says the following, “If you find you do not like this course and want to quit after the first class, you can request to refund your tuition, but you must say this in French.” Then you have to stay. Right? (Yes.) You understand? (Yes.)A teacher said to the students, “Why did you do so poorly on the exam?” Kitty, “The degrees of my glasses are not good eno

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Master Tells Jokes

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 4 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

29:27

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 4 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

The teacher asked a student, “Why don’t you brush your teeth? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.” The student said, “What did I have?” The teacher said, “Cornflakes.” So, the student said, “You are wrong. That was yesterday.”A little boy was praying in the church. “Oh, dear God, I have a small wish. Please move the capital to New York.” A priest nearby heard him and asked him, “Why

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Master Tells Jokes

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 3 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

33:11

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 3 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

Daddy number one says, “I always stress to my kids that there must be three -sions for success: Mission, passion and vision.” OK. So, dad number two: “And the outcome?” Dad number one says again, “Alas, there is only one television in their hearts.” Kids! Only one “-sion” in their hearts, that’s television. I hope it is the Supreme Master Television.This one is really bad, even though it’s a priva

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Master Tells Jokes

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 2 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

32:15

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 2 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

Little Johnny said, “Daddy, I want to ask you a question.” After a first day in Sunday school. So Daddy said, “OK.” And little Johnny said, “Oh, the teacher was reading the Bible to us, all about the children of Israel building this temple and the children of Israel crossing the Red Sea. The children of Israel do this, do that. What have all the adults been doing?” It’s true, huh? They do nothing,

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Master Tells Jokes

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 1 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

38:41

Laughing with Enlightenment, Part 1 of 8, Dec. 27, 2007, Paris, France

(Going home.) What time? (Yes, I’m going home in two hours.) (I’m going home alone tomorrow.) Are you both going home? (No.) (Just him alone.) (My mom and I.) Just pointing at this and that. Aren’t you two going home to the same house? (No.) Why do you two look so alike, like brothers? (It was in a past life.) (In a past life.) In a past life, in a past life. Hey! You’re all going home, leaving me

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2026-04-08 3674 Views

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Virtue with Wisdom, Part 7 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

33:33

Virtue with Wisdom, Part 7 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

There was this guy who won twenty million in the lottery, but he had a heart disease. So his family didn’t know how to tell him, they were afraid that if they told him suddenly, he might die from the shock. Then they went to ask a psychiatrist for help. The doctor said, “Don’t worry, I know. I have a heart disease too, so I know the psychology of people with a heart disease. Let me tell him. I’ll

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Master Tells Jokes

Virtue with Wisdom, Part 6 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

36:33

Virtue with Wisdom, Part 6 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

There was a guy who was invited over to celebrate Tết (Lunar New Year); Celebrating Tết involves sticky rice cakes, ginger candies, pickled leeks, non-alcoholic beer, and all that. Yes, please. But the hostess didn’t practice the Quan Yin Method, so she was kind of stingy. She was saving her money to travel. Therefore, she treated the guest, but only halfway. So the guy didn’t have enough to eat,

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Master Tells Jokes

Virtue with Wisdom, Part 5 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

34:08

Virtue with Wisdom, Part 5 of 8, Feb. 24, 1996, Hsihu, Taiwan (Formosa)

In the biography of Xuanzang, it mentioned the Quan Yin Method. Because the Quan Yin Method in Sanskrit is called “Shabda.” One of the sutras He brought back mentioned the “Shabda.” “Shabda” means the (inner Heavenly) Sound within us. Because I knew that word, I knew Xuanzang practiced the “Shabda,” meaning the Quan Yin Method, the (inner Heavenly) Sound current. But if we don’t know Sanskrit, the

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Master Tells Jokes

Everything Is Arranged by God, Part 2 of 7, Mar. 10, 1994, California, USA

34:21

Everything Is Arranged by God, Part 2 of 7, Mar. 10, 1994, California, USA

Yesterday, the one who told a story about tofu… Because I had just talked about tofu a moment ago... If it is so smoky, then close your eyes for a moment until the smoke is gone. If your nose is congested, then pinch your nose, too. He told the story that there was a monk... But I didn’t know if the story was true or not, because he told the story, not me. There was a monk who was in a house – no,

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2025-12-21 3518 Views

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The Laughing Saints, Part 11 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

30:56

The Laughing Saints, Part 11 of 11, Feb. 3, 2003, Florida, USA

“A traveler.” “A traveler named John pulled into a little town for the night to find every hotel room was taken. He pleaded, ‘You have got to have a room somewhere or just a bed. I don’t care where.’ So, the manager admitted, ‘Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have c

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2025-09-23 2986 Views

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Master Tells Jokes