Master Tells Jokes | Supreme Master Television

2024-05-26 3009 Views

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2024-05-26

A small girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said, “Can we leave now?” “No,” the mother said. “Well, I think I have to be sick.” “Then go out to the front door, around to the back of the church, and be sick behind a bush.” In about two minutes, the little girl returned to her seat. “Were you sick then?” her mother asked. “Yes,” the little girl replied. “Wel

Love Is Stronger Than Ego, Part 5 of 8, Jan. 2, 2007, Düsseldorf, Germany

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Love Is Stronger Than Ego, Part 5 of 8, Jan. 2, 2007, Düsseldorf, Germany

2024-05-25 3040 Views

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2024-05-25

When (Lord) Jesus was alive, He didn’t even have shoes. He had to hide everywhere, all the time. […] And then, after He died, look at how many churches we have. Empty; some are empty, some big and empty. […] We’d repair it. We’d pay for electricity, water, and food, and we’d repair. That’s the best way to use a church, right? Go and pray to God, meditate for mankind. But of course, we shall be pat

Enjoying Relaxing Time with Master, Part 3 of 4, May 26, 2007, Klagenfurt, Austria

30:37

Enjoying Relaxing Time with Master, Part 3 of 4, May 26, 2007, Klagenfurt, Austria

2024-04-06 2844 Views

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2024-04-06

There was another doctor. […] So, one day, he was invited to come to a person who happened to shoot himself accidentally with an arrow while he was practicing archery. And he shot himself in his own leg. […] The arrow went deep inside and half stuck out and half was in the flesh. So the doctor came, took a knife, cut the outside half and then went home. And the patient, “Hey, hey, hey…!” […]OK, pe

The Holy Golden Mouse, Part 5 of 6, May 12, 1996, Kampong Speu, Cambodia

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The Holy Golden Mouse, Part 5 of 6, May 12, 1996, Kampong Speu, Cambodia

2024-04-02 2730 Views

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2024-04-02

OK, now! Let’s have some jokes. It’s some Aulacese (Vietnamese) jokes. […] Now, there was a Master, so-called Master. I don’t know, maybe a Supreme Master even. He was very virtuous, supposed to be, and also very clean, very pure, like you cannot offer anything to the Master, for example, otherwise, your ID card will be confiscated! […] So now, this Guru has a wife and kids and all that, and He is

The Holy Golden Mouse, Part 2 of 6, May 12, 1996, Kampong Speu, Cambodia

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The Holy Golden Mouse, Part 2 of 6, May 12, 1996, Kampong Speu, Cambodia

2024-03-30 3096 Views

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2024-03-30

So, it’s not like you can bring as much Power as you want down here. You have to cover it, use the Light to cover. Just like you put things in a bag, the fragile things in a bag. […] You can’t just let it all hang out raw. Then everybody will get shocked and die too, or burned to a crisp, because of the electricity power. And God’s Power is zillions, thousands of zillions of thousands stronger tha

Master’s Sacrifices for Love, Part 10 of 10, Aug. 29, 2013, Menton, France

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Master’s Sacrifices for Love, Part 10 of 10, Aug. 29, 2013, Menton, France

2024-01-27 3378 Views

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2024-01-27

This Master Nasruddin, He was very “wicked.” He told a joke like this: One time, Nasruddin went into a neighbor’s garden, took one of the melons and put it in His bag. And then the neighbor came out and asked, “What is my melon doing in Your bag?” And Master Nasruddin said, “I was also asking the same question.”You know what? I take a rest because we cannot talk. Bon appétit (Good appetite)! (Bon

We Always Have to Appreciate What We Have, Part 11 of 12, Jun. 30, 2013, Menton, France

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We Always Have to Appreciate What We Have, Part 11 of 12, Jun. 30, 2013, Menton, France

2023-12-22 2875 Views

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2023-12-22

These days I feel so much love. I don’t know what to do with all this love. I don’t want to leave, myself. I don’t want to go home, myself. […] So much love, don’t need anything else. “All we need is love.” That’s what they say. God. It’s really true. It’s really true. Nice. It’s nice like this when you have many hundreds of people, but you feel like one. Feels like together[ness]. How come this t

Follow My Example and Assist Humankind, Part 10 of 14, May 28, 2007, Klagenfurt, Austria

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Follow My Example and Assist Humankind, Part 10 of 14, May 28, 2007, Klagenfurt, Austria

2023-10-27 2960 Views

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2023-10-27

So every (marriage) system is probably also according to the custom of the situation, of the land that they live in. It did not necessarily come from the order of the religion, of that religion. Probably at that time, everybody must marry, and marriage was very highly valued in their custom, so, if this order goes against the trend of society, they might not be able to survive.You have enough food

The Virtuous Essenes, Part 11 of 12, Aug. 22, 2007

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The Virtuous Essenes, Part 11 of 12, Aug. 22, 2007

2023-05-07 3346 Views

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2023-05-07

I guess we all run out of juice, huh? OK, guys, every party has to end someday. Today, you got everything. (Yes.) You have (non-alcoholic) champagne, you’ve got chips even, and you got magic tricks. (Thank You, Master.) Go home, sleep! Got everything, and a lot of food still. Let’s call it a day and continue the whole year, happy! (Yes.) Maybe we’ll see each other some other day.You, anymore? (Oh,

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 12 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

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Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 12 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

2023-01-25 2911 Views

2023-01-25

A priest, drove a car. “Zig-zag, zig-zag.” So the police saw and stopped it, and said, “Father, have you been drinking?” You know, the priest. So, he said, “No, no. I just drink water, in the back there.” And so, the police looked in the back and saw a bottle of wine, not water. A joke? (She’s got a joke.) You got a joke? OK. Chinese or English? (English.) Good. (The car Land Rover, always can fin

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 11 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

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Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 11 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

2023-01-24 2961 Views

2023-01-24

He heard something, “Bang! Bang! Boom!” upstairs, very loud. So he asked his friend, “Hey John, what’s going on up there?” So John said, “Ah, nothing wrong. It’s usual stuff!” He said, “What do you mean ‘usual’? Why is it so loud?” He said, “No, it’s just my mother dragging my father’s clothes across the floor.” So he said, “But why, if it’s just a pair of clothes, why so noisy?” He said, “Because

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 10 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

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Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 10 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

2023-01-23 3083 Views

2023-01-23

Anybody have some jokes? Nice stuff. Tell me, tell me. Yeah, we tell jokes for New Year. We laugh for New Year. It's the best. All the stupid miseries, we leave behind. (Yes.) We begin New Year only with good things! (Yes!) Only positive thinking! (Yes!) Positive talks! (Yes!) Positive thoughts! (Yes!) Positive action! (Yes!) Yeah! Yeah, help Master!There was a man who sat in front of a house on t

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 9 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

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Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 9 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

2023-01-22 3264 Views

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2023-01-22

“Mint Condition.” Lady: “I have to return this carpet I bought from you last week. You assured me that it was in mint condition.” So the shopkeeper says, “And so it is, madam. Just look at that hole in the middle.” I don't understand it. (A mint has got a hole in it.) Mint, oh, OK. Mint condition. Oh, yeah, like a mint. Oh, English mints have a hole in the middle. There are many mints that don't h

Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 7 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

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Begin the New Year with Positive Thinking, Part 7 of 12, Dec. 31, 2005

2023-01-20 3507 Views

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2023-01-20

There is a joke: Three men went to Heaven after death... brush up my German. Three men, dead, kaput, went to Heaven – foreigner German. Saint Peter asked them, “What do you want?” Each one was given a wish. The first man said, “In my last life, I was not so smart. In my next life, if I am reborn on Earth, I want to be smarter, say, a thousand times smarter.” [Saint] Peter said, “Alright. You lived

Selflessness and Humility, Part 2 of 12, Dec. 16-17, 2006

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Selflessness and Humility, Part 2 of 12, Dec. 16-17, 2006

2022-12-28 4622 Views

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2022-12-28

I know you have everything, but you want my half sandwich. Oh, maybe one day you will have it. Maybe. Just pray for world vegan, world peace, sincerely with me. (Yes, Master.) And one day your dream will come true. (Thank You, Master.) I tell you when you are wrong. (Yes, Master.) I praise you when you are right, equally. (Right. Yes.) Not because I like you or hate you, nothing. I’m just doing my

The United Spirit of the Ukrainian People Shines Before the World, Part 12 of 12

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The United Spirit of the Ukrainian People Shines Before the World, Part 12 of 12

2022-05-11 3519 Views

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2022-05-11

Just enjoy! If you already feel peaceful and light, or very, very comfortable, that means you’re in samadhi already, no matter where. And just stay there, and then you will go higher, or maybe not, but just stay there. Many sisters and brothers complain that his wife, her husband, are obstructing them from coming to see me, or from going to group meditation and all that. Do not complain. Bec

Knowing Yourself Through Diligent Questing, Part 4 of 7, Oct. 2, 2006

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Knowing Yourself Through Diligent Questing, Part 4 of 7, Oct. 2, 2006

2020-11-10 3818 Views

2020-11-10

Just me, personally, I do most things in the night because the whole world is more calm and they don’t bother me too much. Daytime, I have other work to do. What I mean is, nighttime is more for a lot of detailed work. Or maybe bureaucracy work, paperwork, office work, creativity work. Mostly, I need more concentration. About the Irish? Actually, some Irish told me. The three criminals, thie

Knowing Yourself Through Diligent Questing, Part 1 of 7, Oct. 2, 2006

30:24

Knowing Yourself Through Diligent Questing, Part 1 of 7, Oct. 2, 2006

2020-11-07 5077 Views

2020-11-07

There are pros and cons to getting married. If you’re married, you’ll learn how to adapt, to reconcile and to be considerate. The same with boyfriend and girlfriend. They will adjust if they live together. They will learn to adjust and to be considerate, so they get along more peacefully. I want to thank you, the guards. You’re so young and come every weekend. I asked the “

Qualities of A Good Husband, Part 1 of 2, May 4, 2019

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Qualities of A Good Husband, Part 1 of 2, May 4, 2019

2020-06-13 6048 Views

2020-06-13

There was a joke, the disciple asked the Zen Master, “Master, I ask for nothing, I just ask you please bring me to the land of eternal peace.” And the Master said, “Yeah, even if I can, it won’t be peace anymore.” Looks like he knows. The Master knows everything. And there was a film called “Lost Horizon” also. And they found a place called Shangri-La, the lost people. They found a place called Sh

Buddhist Stories: The Bondswoman Punna, Part 1 of 2, Sept. 15, 2015

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Buddhist Stories: The Bondswoman Punna, Part 1 of 2, Sept. 15, 2015

2018-09-10 4950 Views

2018-09-10