The teacher asked a student, “Why don’t you brush your teeth? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.” The student said, “What did I have?” The teacher said, “Cornflakes.” So, the student said, “You are wrong. That was yesterday.”
A little boy was praying in the church. “Oh, dear God, I have a small wish. Please move the capital to New York.” A priest nearby heard him and asked him, “Why do you pray for that?” The boy replied, “A question on the exam asked where the capital is, and I wrote New York.” Big mistake.
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten bird(-people) on them. Each bird(-person) had a sack covering his head, and only the legs were showing. He sat right in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. So, the professor announced that the test would be to look at each bird(-person) on the legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species. So, the student looked at each of the bird(-people)’s legs. They all looked similar to him. He began to get very upset. So, he had stayed up all night studying all things about bird(-people), and now he had to identify the bird(-people) by their legs only.
So the more he thought about it, the more upset he got. So, he couldn’t stand it any longer. Finally, he went up to the professor’s desk and said, “What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the differences between the bird(-people) by looking at their legs?” With that, he threw his test paper on the desk and walked out. The professor was very surprised. The class was so big that he didn’t know every student’s name. So he asked the student before he reached the door, “Mister, what’s your name?” So the student pulled up his trousers – you know already – and showed his legs, and said, “You tell me!” Funny, no? Yeah. (Yes.)
I don’t know if I told this joke already, but in case you heard it, never mind, you can laugh. OK? In a crazy, “loony house,” a new head of the madhouse was inspecting the wards and saw a patient sitting in an armchair, and swaying back and forth, and always murmuring, “Lily, oh Lily, oh Lily, Lily!” So, the new head manager asked the doctor, “Why is this man mentally disturbed?” The doctor replied, “Lily is the woman who left him.”
So, the new head went on with the inspection, coming to another ward, in which a man also kept knocking his head against the wall, also murmuring, “Lily, Lily, oh Lily!” So, the new manager asked the doctor, “Why is this patient also connected with Lily?” So, the doctor said, “Yes, of course, he’s the one that married Lily.”
The girl said to the boy, “Too bad that you failed the test. How far were you from the right answer?” The boy said, “Two seats.” Copy.
A father was examining his son’s report card and said to his son, “One thing is definitely in your favor. With this test paper report, you could not possibly be cheating.” It’s too low. He cannot be copying or cheating.
At an animal(-people) race competition, a donkey(-person) was very super, supercilious... (Superstitious?) No. …to a leopard(-person). (No.) What is that? Who was very supercilious to a leopard(-person) who had won the championship. (Jealous?) Yes, perhaps. “Let’s go to the crowded town to compete if you are really something,” the donkey(-person) said to the leopard(-person). The leopard(-person) asked, “Can you run faster that way?” So the donkey(-person) replied, “Of course. Don’t forget, my shouting is identical to that of the ambulance.” So, all the cars would run away. They’re laughing outside.
For weeks and weeks, a six-year-old had kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. Then one day, the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child in her stomach. The six-year-old was obviously very amazed and impressed, but he didn’t say anything. And then at the school, he didn’t talk anymore about the expected sister or brother in the house anymore. So one day, finally, the teacher sat down with him and asked, “Tommy, whatever became of that baby brother or sister that you were expecting at home? Why don’t you say anything anymore about it?” So Tommy was very quiet and then burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it.”
Yeah, yeah, coming. Mr. John had been elected Chairman of the Workers’ Union for four successive sessions. A new reporter came to interview him. “Chairman John, would you like to talk about your feeling of succeeding?” Mr. John smiled instead of replying, pointing at the vegan hamburger on the table, suggesting the reporter to eat it. He felt very honored, so he ate it immediately. And after that, Mr. John told him to eat another vegan hamburger, so the reporter also felt very privileged. He gulped it down right away. And after that, Mr. John told him to eat another vegan hamburger, and so four, five, six of them. So, the reporter said, “OK, you didn’t tell me about the feeling of succeeding, no?” So, Mr. John said, “You already experienced it.” Overload. Ah, Mensch (man), keep going, keep going. Are you OK still? (Yes.) You still have enough “juice” to laugh, yeah? (Yes.)
The librarian told a little girl, “Please be quiet. The people next to you can’t read.” So, the little girl said, “What a shame. I have been reading since I was six.” Capisce?
A Teacher said to the student, “Number 29, stand up and answer this question.” Number 29 said, “No, I can’t, sir.” The teacher said, “Say what you do if you cannot?” So, Number 29 said, “I sit down.” So, you cannot stand, then “I sit,” no?
The teacher said to a student, “Really, Johnny, your handwriting is horrible. You must learn to write better.” So Johnny said, “Well, if I did, you would be finding fault with my spelling.”
A teacher asked the student to make up a sentence in which there must be the word “sugar.” So, Lisa said, “I’m drinking vegan milk tea.” And the teacher asked, “Where is the sugar?” Lisa said, “In the vegan milk tea.”
The teacher: “What is an emperor, Johnny?” John said, “I don’t know.” The teacher said, “An emperor is a ruler.” Johnny said, “Ah, sure, I used to carry an ‘emperor’ to school with me every day.” A “ruler.”
One day after an exam, Johnny asked his friend, “How was your exam?” So, Peter said, “I submitted a blank paper. What about you?” So, Johnny said, “Me too. God! Will the teacher think that we copied each other?”
“Some plants,” the teacher said, “have the prefix ‘dog.’ For example, there is the dog-rose, the dogwood, the dog violet. Who can name another plant prefixed by dog?” So, the little boy shouted, “I can! Cauliflower.” “Collie.” Collie is a kind of dog(-person). “Collie-flower.” A Collie is a dog(-person), type of dog(-person).
You guys don’t have dog(-people), that’s why. I can tell. You don’t know every dog(-person) type, Collies. You know, like Lassie? That’s a Collie. (Yes.) Yeah. What? (A shepherd? Shepherd dog[-person]?) Yeah, yeah, a Collie Shepherd.
Photo Caption: “Wilderness Offers Solitude for Keeping Rest and Peace!”
